its halloween

i've been working to get things together for my assessment on tuesday, which i'm actually excited for. i don't think i have a commendable amount of work but i'm excited to move on and start doing what i want... i haven't heard of many people here at chelsea working with sound mainly but thats what i want to do and hopefully between now and december I can come up with a few decent things for my portfolio for next year. which, speaking of that, i am excited about as well, but also nervous. what if my portfolio isn't good enough? what if this all just goes to shit? i've been in this weird state where i'm really confused about things i guess. sometimes i want to go full force into making things and working but then other times i just want to live with a secluded group of people, not attached to the commercial, material clubs that nearly half the world partake in. i didn't do the final project for 3D design so i really think i'm screwed on that. i actually did do a little something which i suppose is better than nothing?

most of the time i just want to curl up in my bed and watch films to some hot cocoa or some of my mothers brown sugar-covered walnuts.

i just feel like eating to make me believe it's something better to do.

i suppose i'm proud that i've been able to get all my work together thus far and that it hasn't been too stressful but it still feels like there isn't enough, or it isn't worth enough to get by. and if i don't get accepted into school next year i don't know what i'll do. i'd like very much to stay here, much more than go back to america. even more, i'd like to just bum around and play music all day but i suppose that's just fantasy..